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[Nov. 29th, 2009|03:06 pm] |
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i think i might go back to college. i was looking at the HCC website and i might try medical coding and billing. i only need 25 credits and if i do part time then it should take me about 3 years but thats if i get approved for FA. my grade point average is only 1.5 and i think you need a 2.0 for qualify. im gonna try it anyways and see what happens. if it doesnt work out then i guess im working at walmart for the rest of my life lol |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 19th, 2009|12:07 am] |
my mom is going to die. everyone tells me to cheer up or think positive. the doctors put us in a room and told us they did everything they can do. her body is just shutting down. my cousins greg and casey are like brother and sister. we are a close family. my mom will always be gavin's grandmother but i asked my aunt if he can call her memay. i balled my eyes out its the holidays and my mom LOVES the holidays, she's going to miss everything. she didnt even get to see him crawl or walk or when he gets a mouth full of teeth. shes never got to hear him talk and have her call her memay. she always wanted a grandchild and now he wont even know her.
please guys ive said it probably over 100 times...hold on to your family, especailly your parents no matter how much they piss you off. imagine your mom calling you and saying i love you and that be the last time you talk to her and spending all day in the hospital knowing that she only has a few days to live and she cant even say anything to you. i would give up everything just to hear her say "i love you" again.
my grandma is hoping and praying for a miracle...maybe she will pull through at the last second. idk. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 10th, 2009|07:14 pm] |
my mom was supposed to go for a biopsy to figure out what kind of pnimonia she has but instead they put something down her throat kind of like a swab or whatever its called. they found blood so they did a cat scan of her lungs. she doesnt have pnimonia its the virus attacking her lungs and now its moving to her kidneys. the doctors said shes not absorbing the oxygen so they have to paralize her also they are giving her HUGE amounts of steriods so it will pretty much wipe out her immune system. they said they will know if she lives or dies within the next few days. everyone is trying to be strong for her but..just the thought of losing my mom tears me apart.
mommy i love you...
i'm praying for you. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 7th, 2009|08:21 pm] |
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as most people know my mom is in the hospital because she had a virus and her immune system attacked it causing her blood vessels to explode. or at least thats how it was explained to me. she got pnemonia a few days ago and she's not doing so good. they said she has fungus in her lungs and now they are filling up with water. ive been crying all day. she called me while i was at work and said that she loves me and to make sure i take care of gavin. i was in the pad asile balling my eyes out after that so they sent me home. she was going to be transfered to wochester(sp?) but instead the doctor from over there is at holyoke hospital just for her. i hope she gets better. seriously guys dont take family for granted, please. one day they could be there and the next they could be gone. i love you all. |
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| a can finally breathe a sigh of relief |
[Sep. 28th, 2009|04:42 pm] |
september 28th, 2009. a day to remember.
gene moved the rest of his stuff out of the house. im left pretty much with nothing. he even took the laundry detergent. mom and zeb said it's good though cuz then i wont have anything to remind me of him... |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 19th, 2009|09:59 am] |
now im working 11-11 on sunday hopefully. im not sure yet. i have to go to work today and find out. soo i wake up at 8:30 this morning. the fucking front door is wide open. no gene. i txt him where are you? u left the door wide open. he said hes "at the park"
at the park?!?! WHATEVER. wow thats just lame...he NEVER goes to the park. and supposedly he's still there. i woke up at 7:30 and he wasnt here. so he's been at the "park" before then? yeah i dont think so. but whatever. the only reason why im pissed is because..
HE HAS THE FUCKING CAR. RAWR. i really should've taken the car key from him. i think i will later on today if he ever comes back which is better or i'll rip his tiny little penis off.
he's trying to find a beater car
ooookk so he is at the park and he's lost. *slams my head on the keyboard* so now i have to get gavin ready so i can walk to my car. is it bad that i wanna have a drink now? lol
i should go out one night and not come home. see how he likes it. i wanna get drunk. like...smashed...crawling on the floor..laughing my ass off DRUNK. haha.
but i have no money for alcohol. fuck. |
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| busy day |
[Sep. 15th, 2009|03:41 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  happy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | taylor swift - love story | ] |
so i wont be online that much anymore. gene blocked my account on the computer so i cant go online. lovely huh? oh well i dont need it. i told him i dont want to watch tv anymore. my favorite shows im just going to have to watch on dvd or something. i cant afford it.
today mandie and i went to the foodstamp office. i got a card with no money on it but tomorrow im going to give them a copy of my gas bill then i'll get money. i make a FEW dollars..like 2-3 dollars over for cash. but my next paycheck is gonna be $622 so i cant use that one. in order for me to get cash i have to gross about 400 every 2 weeks. how the fuck am i supposed to live off of that??? whatever. i applied for mass health today. if i get it mandie said they would pay for the divorce. i hope she's right because i dont have the money for it :-\ also with mass health i can get vouchers for daycare. that would be AWESOME..
as for just me myself and i, ive been doing okay. i feel so much better. im not scared and sad all the time. people at work can even see the difference. i feel younger and more alive. ive even lost 10lbs :D where i have no idea but im not complaining. the only thing i wish i could have is love. i was watching taylor swifts music videos because ive never seen them before and i almost started crying. ive been unhappy for so long. i want that feeling of butterflies, first kiss, and being number one in someones life. i had a dream that i was in a relationship with a woman and i think i might try it. im not sure. men dont really do anything for me. sex with men sucks. sex with a woman at least for me is amazing. done it a few times and it was like "wow!" idk. probably too much information for you guys :P but thats how i feel. |
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| go me! |
[Sep. 9th, 2009|12:30 pm] |
gene thought he was slick this morning. muwhahaha. he shut off my alarm so i wouldnt bring him to work and take the car. but i woke up at 10:40 (he had to be in for 11) YES. he was SO pissed!!
dude its MY fucking car. youre just a cosigner. so i got my car. woop woop. go me. go me. lol. early intervention is coming at 1:30 and then who knows where im going?
gavin is also grinding his teeth. is that bad? it sounds bad. like nails on a chalkboard. *shivers* ugh... |
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| baby girl |
[Aug. 8th, 2009|03:10 pm] |
genes sister mandis water broke last night :) so we went to the hospital at 1am. we got mcdonalds at 5am :) .also the nurses at mercy are assholes. im soooo glad i had gavin at baystate. mandi had a baby girl at 7:09am. she's 5lbs 11oz and 18.5inch long. she's so tiny and his sister mandi is so HUGE. she was in hard labor for about 45mins. my mom said thats nothing cuz she was in hard labor for 4 hours lol. you gotta think tho cuz that was 28 years ago. times have changed mother. she was so adorable. i had gavin with me the whole time too. he tried talking to her a little bit and he started getting jealous cuz everyone was paying attention to her and not him lol. poor lil guy i felt bad cuz he only slept about 4 hours last night. but he slept 4 hours after we got home.
i told her..haha..get ready to bleed for a loooooong time. you go thru A LOT of pads. plus she got stitches too. i remember the feeling. ugh. at least all the placenta came out. mine came out in pieces so the doctor had to keep sticking her whole hand in me to get them out. not pleasent. and she got to hold her right away. :'( i told gene i want another baby cuz i didnt get to hold gavin right away lol. he just glared at me. i remember i couldnt SEE him until the next day and i couldnt hold him for over a week. now that was torture. but oh well.
oh yeah the baby's name is Savanah Lynn DeChristopher. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 15th, 2009|01:27 pm] |
i <3 my little man lol. hes so cute when he eats his cereal. i dont want him to get older tho lol. stay lil forever! :P going to stephs house was awesome. just getting out and talking to someone other then gene. no offense to him haha. i didnt want to go home but i was so tired and christopher didnt want me to take a nap. i almost fell asleep while i was driving. i had to pull over and make myself uncomfortable to stay awake. i got home took off my jacket and the second my head hit the pillow i passed the fuck out. thank god gavin stayed asleep too. we woke up at the same time. im watching the biggest loser and im balling my eyes out lol. its makeover week and they all look so good. i hope bob's team wins this season.
*crosses fingers* |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 14th, 2009|02:41 am] |
gavin is trying to sleep but i will not let him! muwhaha. im not tired. mom told me when i get tired to feed him a lil bit of the cereal so he will sleep longer hopefully. im just gonna watch a movie while gene sleeps then i'll feed him and go to bed. i'll be up at 11am to get ready to go to stephs. after that im bringing baby stuff to gene's sister mandies place. im giving her a pack of diapers, the bassenet, and some neutral clothes. this bitch better be greatful lol. j/k :P i just want to get rid of all these things..the dreaded clutter *growls* i hate clutter.
be gone!!
so casey might be getting an apartment at brook edge on pendleton. im hoping and praying she gets out. lately gene has been talking to her a lot and ive been alone..well with gavin..but still alone. so whatever. im trying to be nice. maybe things will be better if i dont live with her. gene thinks we'll be screwed cuz casey paid 150 for rent and about 100 for electric. i think we can do it. if only he could get the charter bill down. he pays 200 every month. that so retarded.
GAVIN NO SLEEPING!!!! haha scared him..im a mean mommy. everyone says sleep when he sleeps. fuck that HE sleeps when I sleep.
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 13th, 2009|02:47 am] |
today i was supposed to hang out with melissa from work. she was really busy i guess with her niece and nephew so i decided to call my mom. i went over her house mandie txt me saying happy easter and i told her to come over lol. zeb made wings and rice it was really good :) mom told me to get rice for gavin at CVS. he just keeps on eating and eating. he LOVED the rice cereal. he was crying because she wasnt feeding him fast enough. it was supposed to make him more full but about an hr later he was hungry again. she said to only feed him a lil bit in the morning and once at night.
anyways...so casey is talking to gene again. as usual acting like she hasnt been ignoring him for the past month. he just says "whatever" cuz he doesnt want to start drama. im keeping my foot down. she tried saying hi to me but im still ignoring her. i said its not fair to us that she gets "sick of us" for a month and then wants to be nice to us. gene COMPLAINED about casey boyfriend and now he wants to hang out with him and the girls. what should i do? should i act like nothing happened and be all goody goody around her again or should i be "stubborn"(as gene calls it) and not pay any attention to her?i dont give a shit if we do start talking again she's still going to be out in june. my mom said no if ands or buts. idk. i do miss hanging out with her and just acting stupid and silly. but i dont deserve the silent treatment either. if she was my friend she wouldnt do that to me. she would TALK to me.
whatever...
im going over stephys house on tuesday!! :P i cant wait cuz ive never hung out with just her. and she'll get to hold her future husband lol. so i looked in my book the week by week of their first year. he's 14 weeks now and in the book it says he's 4 months old..but that doesnt make any sense because he became 3 months on the 6th. his weight is equal to a 14 weeks old but his development stuff is of a 6 week old. its just annoying cuz hes always screaming and he's always hungry. the only time he's not screaming is when he's eating or sleeping. my mom told me to just let him scream. idk im just tired as fuck. i dont get enough sleep. i havent slept more then 8 hrs in a row since he came home. im always getting 1-3 hrs here and there. anybody wanna watch him on friday? lol. thats my next day off. :P |
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| more complaining..sorry :P |
[Apr. 3rd, 2009|07:42 am] |
gene and i went to debbie's house last night. she wont take casey unless she has a license and a car. pfft. like THAT will ever happen. no one in genes family has that. not a single one i just noticed. but we also found out that casey told debbie she was paying 200 a month on food shopping. thats an even bigger PFFFT. she gave a $100 while i was on maternity leave..how long ago??? so she gave it to us in the beginning of feb. i asked her to pitch in $100 and i'll do $200 and she complained about that.
oh and get this..haha..joy had her ex boyfriend come over with his friend chris. NOW casey is dating chris..who is homeless. chris has been sleeping over i think for the past 3 nights.
so im trying to help her find an apartment without her help cuz..you know..she cants talk to me like an adult. she has to ignore me and lock herself in her room when either gene and i are home. she fucking started it with her shit talking thats what gets me.
does anyone know someone that either lives or lived in beacon square on the drive? i think its kinda crazy. for a studio apt its 630. we paid 675 for our 2 bedroom apt at rivers edge. does anyone know any other place on the drive? mall apt are out because we tried that before and you need to make a lot of money to live there. it sucks too cuz she wont take the bus so we're limited to apts. on the drive or close to walmart in general. all i know is i want her and her stupid boyfriend out. 5 adults and 1 baby living in a 2 bedroom condo is just too much. plus i just LOVE that shes letting him "sleep over" here and we know nothing about him. seriously casey just met him 3 days ago. maybe 4. but i think its 3 tho. what if he's a psycho and kills us all in our sleep? or take gavin while he's sleeping in his crib? or rapes casey and joy OR he robs us one day while we're all at work?!?!?!?! gene and i have no balls can someone come over and just fucking yell at her and then kick her out???? lol. please? |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 1st, 2009|02:43 pm] |
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today is todays gavin due date..he's over 10lbs i imagine he's almost 11lbs. thank god i had him early lol. in 5 days he will be 2 months..time is flying by so fast. at least now i can start reading a book i have. its week by week of a baby's first year. |
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| demon..and first day back at work |
[Feb. 18th, 2009|01:06 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | keep bleeding - Leona Lewis | ] |
sleep demon...sleep.... haha. gavin has his nights and days mixed up. yay -.- they say stimulate him during the day so he will be tired at night. thats really hard to do when you've only gotten about 2 hrs of sleep. so i sleep during the day inbetween his feeding and im basically up all night. anywho
yesterday was my offical first day at work! monday i just had to go there so they can reactivate my name badge. i was worried cuz i couldnt remember my log in number i was thinking maybe it was 1759 or 1749...but once i looked at the register i remembered. 1748. lol. it really felt like i never left. everything was natural i guess its because nothings really changed since i left. i still remember all the codes for produce that i knew before (like bananas 4011 and red grapes 4023...blah) yeah im sad. kryto went through my line with moe moe. :)
AH! i forgot!!! Mike Lalonde went through my line at 11pm. Maggie is pregnant and due in august. the baby daddy is Mikes retarded black friend i know his name but i cant spell it. Izaha..whatever...they knew each other in high school but met up in AA. i guess she's a recovering alcoholic...amazing huh? i guess he wants nothing to do with her and the baby. i cant imagine Maggie being a mother. but then again i couldnt imagine having a kid either. lol
oh and also i got to see steph! :) its been a looooong time.
so in a way its good to be back... |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 12th, 2009|03:30 pm] |
i dont usually do this but i'll be praying for the family of Justin Masterson. i dont know him but i kinda know Caity as Jessie's friend. no one should have to go through what she is going through... my greatest sympathy goes out to her and her family.
<3
Here's the link to his obituary:
http://www.legacy.com/masslive/DeathNotices.asp?Page=Lifestory&PersonId=124001347
R.I.P Justin Case Masterson
May God take you under his wings... |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 27th, 2009|11:46 pm] |
today gavin turned 3 weeks. next week he'll be one month old. 3 weeks and he's still not home. 3 fucking weeks and i still dont have my baby home.
i hope he comes home soon. :'( |
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| gavin, gym, men suck, no money |
[Jan. 25th, 2009|07:47 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  disappointed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | so what - pink | ] |
gavin was supposed to come home today...i feel so horrible cuz he's not here...
so they said sometime this week it depends on how he's feeding. they had him off the feeding tube for not even a day and they shoved it back in. poor lil guy :( i guess he eats a full bottle and as the day goes on he eats less and less cuz he's falling asleep. the nurse said she tried to feed him but he didnt even open an eye. but he was very active when gene and i went to see him. he farted and pooped while i was holding him lol. lovely stinky diaper. 2nd day in a row he's done that. you should've seen his diaper yesterday. wooooooo it was baaad. all down his legs and up his back. then when i was almost done he friggin tried peeing on me! lol. gene just sat there and laughed. ha ha ha asshole. he's sick so he goes to see gavin but he doesnt hold him or anything cuz he doesnt want to get him sick. gene hasnt changed his diaper or fed him at all. i think he's held him twice since he was born. it kinda sucks but he'll be able to do all that stuff when gavin finally comes home.
i went to the gym today! lol. just for an hr cuz im not supposed to even be going there. sshhhh...gene said i should've been there longer but i dont want anything to go wrong. i dont have stitches anymore but it's still really painfull down there. he said im using that as an excuse but whatever he can kiss my ass. im not going to overwork myself and then have something bad happen to me.
hmm...not much else to say. im still broke as fuck cuz i wont get a paycheck until march 5th. hopefully i'll have tax money before then but i doubt it. it takes a long time for it to come in plus i have to wait for health insurance forms blah blah blah...i wonder if we're getting a stypen(sp?) check again. i remember getting a $600 check last year...does anyone know if obama is going to do that?? |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 12th, 2009|05:10 pm] |
last night gene, casey, and i went to friendlys. gene had the colossal burger with clam chowder and fries. he had a jim dandy to go. we went and saw the baby and when we got home he ate the whole jim dandy! well not even a half hr later we were ready to go to bed. he wasnt feeling that great and guess what?!?!?!?!?
he threw EVERYTHING up! all that money and food WASTED.
retard.
moral of this story
dont eat till you puke BEFORE you go to bed
the end..
haha |
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